Storms...

Hi, I hope you all had a good weekend. Today we’re going to put the Proverbs on hold, and I think I want to share what’s in my heart with you. I guess I’m doing this to let everyone know that even though my blog is called Persevere and my memoir is titled A Blessing in the Storm… I’m not always up, and I surely don’t always feel like persevering. I’ve had a really bad couple of days- emotionally bad.


In my book (this is not a plug to buy my book), I look at Proverbs 13:12 “Hope deferred makes the heart sick…” and I honestly write about how I intimately know this sickness of heart. I write that I had tried everything and anything medically possible to try and help my quality of life with this rare form of Muscular Dystrophy I have, but nothing worked. It seemed as though every time I was hopeful about a new medical procedure or gadget, whatever it was, turned out not to work…and my hope was always crushed!


Well my friends, the latest thing I tried was no different. Hope is deferred again, and it sucks! It really sucks! To briefly explain, my doctor prescribed knee braces (called Swedish Knee Cages), and these knee braces are designed to prevent your knees from going back too far. I’ve always had trouble with my knees buckling, and I was so hopeful these braces would make me more stable, and ultimately…give me my balance back! I went to the Prosthetic/Orthotic place to pick up the braces the doctor prescribed…

They felt wonderful! I actually was able to stand without any fatigue or pain (something I haven’t been able to do for 9 years now). My hope was escalating! I was actually amazed and so happy that these braces were helping!

Long story short, they hardly made a difference with my balance and walking (my balance makes me walk like I’m a drunken sailor)! To top that off, they’re way too bulky. I can’t really fit one comfortably under one of my pants legs, yet alone both knees! So, there you have it…HOPE DEFERRED! I cried, cried, and cried some more. You know how God keeps our tears in a bottle; He must have a few cases for my tears. LOL! It’s really not a laughing matter; one would think with how much I’ve cried I would be used to shedding tears or having dried up tear ducts by now. But that is simply not the case. My neurologist even made me cry today (something I’ve never done at the doctors). Today was just another affirmation ~that there’s no medical hope. No magic pill. No cure.

So here’s another example of God telling me to put my money where my mouth is. I know I must press in closer to God. He truly is MY ONLY HOPE! I know I have no strength whatsoever to fight this disease. Without a doubt, the battle truly is the Lord’s. He’s not telling me to “Be brave and courageous.” I know He wants me to "Be still and know I am God."


I often think of Joseph in the OT. He surely knows what it’s like to have his hope deferred! Yes, I think of how adversity found Joseph… from being thrown into a pit by his brothers, then to be sold as a slave, and then to spend at least 12 years in jail (The Bible does say that God was with him and showed him His faithful love)! The part of his story that I can really identify with is when Joseph interpreted the cupbearer’s dream, and the cupbearer told Joseph that he would mention him to pharaoh, so he might let Joseph out of prison. Just imagine Joseph’s elation at the cupbearer’s release. Joseph just knew he was getting out. The cup bearer was let out of jail, but he forgot all about Joseph, never giving him a second thought! Yes, Joseph was placed in charge of Egypt, but not for two more years! Two whole years!

Actually, in my NEVER ALONE support group we reflect quite a bit on the story of Joseph. This is just some of what we learn…God was in control over all of Joseph’s adversity. There was a definite separation of his old life. God had to burn the self-centered pride out of him for him to have the maturity and integrity to rule Egypt. Joseph was let down so many times before, he probably wondered - “why should this time be any different?” It probably wasn’t a big deal for Joseph when he was put in a place of authority.




I probably won’t be able to post again until Wednesday night or Thursday. Just letting you know.